"The Exterior Surface Painting Outreach is a not-for-props volunteer organization dedicated to making the world a different place. We accomplish sweated-status by stepping up and seizing space wholesale, and selling it back to the public at retail. After paying pound royalties to Revs, and reinvesting in Home Depot Futures, the rest is pure profit. We tax toys, stay tax-exempt, and hold slackers in contempt. Currently we have over 28 sites on visual lockdown in the 5 boroughs of New York. In order to demonstrate the effectiveness of the come-up, grate keepers are dispatched at all hours, and have a get-over rate of 96.5%. That's over 62% more dope than the leading brand. The bottom line for ESPO is oil-based Gloss Black, and the future holds nothing but Aluminum for the stockholders of this fine company."

- Mark Surface CFO, from the annual stockholders meeting keynote speech.

All images and text copyright 1998 Espo and Art Crimes, all rights reserved.