Buford Youthward

Feel free to use and abuse the following form letter. Make adjustments and alterations as you see fit. Here at Buford Industries, we feel the system is best served by calculated gestures of non-acquiescence:

Dear [insert your favorite local anti-graffiti press officer],

As a vital member, participant and team player in the human relay race, I find your unsportsmanlike conduct quite peculiar. While I'm hard at play trying to hit one out of the park for the team, you're preoccupied with holding me back. This leaves me completely puzzled.

Surely a strategist like yourself can appreciate the finesse and swagger a dedicated individual like myself displays.

Anyhow, I realize the laws we are coerced into abiding by (both formally and informally) require a deadening of the soul. I do not question the accepted norms that infuse society with the mindset that property is greater and more important than human spirit.

So the great mystery is solved. Everyone can go home now. The universal link between social and political systems is finally unveiled. It's the glue that's been keeping the façade up all this time, right before our eyes:


Unfortunately, I am past due on the utilities and regretfully must remit payment this month. However, feel free to contact me via any non-accepted means of process and consumption for future billing inquiries.

[signed nobody special]
Cliché 379.5 At the feast of ego, everyone leaves hungry.

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